Slumpy slumps...

I have recently hit a slump. Both in body and in mind.

Now, don't worry, this isn't going to be a depressing blog about how I'm giving up on life and not putting any effort in anymore. And it's also not going to be one of those annoyingly motivating 'I'M GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE' blogs.

Basically, I'm a firm believer in Karma, everything happening for a reason, etc etc. I don't know why, it's all rubbish, but I'm sure I believe in that more than I believe in Christianity, because I have proof of that happening. ANYWAY (getting off topic) I'm basically saying that the Universe decides everything, not us.

I know, right. I'm a deep person.

Recently, I've had a lot of downturns in my life: Couple of bad grades, lost an election, got a bad attitude, among other things that I'm not cool with posting on the interwebs. Because this has all happened, I felt, at first, depressed. Like, really sad all the time. I'd not talk to anyone, would be slamming doors in people's faces, and it would make everyone else feel uncomfortable. And it wasn't nice.

Things kept getting worse and I felt worse and the people around me felt worse. I wasn't getting anywhere.

Then I realized, I can't sit on my bottom and expect the world to stop turning because I've had a bad couple of weeks. You have to move on and find new opportunities for yourself, because they sure as hell won't come to you.

You've got to find a telescope that is big enough to look over the whole horizon, not just a tiny spot.

I'm getting all philosophical.

If you're sitting at home, right now, reading this after having a rejection email from a job you applied for or the love of your life just broke up with you, just take a deep breath and remember that there are better things for you out there, despite how it might feel right now.

Something good always comes around eventually, but sometimes you have to go and find it!

Procrastinating.

I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now. But I got bored and decided to write a blog to get my mind off it and re-focus my mind on something else for half an hour. I mean, I wrote about 150-200 words in about half an hour, and none of it makes sense, so my thinking is, if I stop, I'll have a reboot of my brain and  I can change it and make it better and get a first. 

It's weird logic, but it's my logic and it normally works. Except the 'getting a first' part. That never happens. 

Apart from last year. Once. When I wrote an essay in three hours and got a really high grade. 

But I digress. 

Christmas is over for another year. So is New Year. 

Now, I'm not a fan of this whole 'New Year, New Me' rubbish, because I don't want to change right now. I think I'm heading in the right direction. I've lost some weight over the past 12 months, I've improved at University and I've improved my general being. 

I mean, obviously, I'm not a size 8, I'm not getting straight firsts and I'm not nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, but, you know what, I'm improving. And that counts for something. Not much, but something. 

I don't have a specific New Years resolution, because I never stick to them and, to be honest, I don't fancy saying 'Oh, I'm giving up chocolate' or 'Oh, I'm not going to watch as much tv' because I love chocolate and tv too much to give them up. And I probably wouldn't stick to that one anyway. 

Instead, I'm going to carry on with where I'm going from last year, because I can't help but think I'm on the right lines. Eating well, exercising and just generally feeling better as a person. 

I mean, come on, I graduate this year, I need to buck up my ideas or no-ones going to hire me, are they? 

2014 is the start of my life, I turn 21, I graduate, I'm going travelling... 

I actually have to start taking things seriously and focusing. 

Anyway, I should probably get back to this 5,000 word essay, other wise I'm never going to graduate. It's not like I've got another 2,500 word essay to do as well or anything. No. Not at all. 

I hope you all have a happy and prosperous 2014 and you achieve all that you want to achieve! 

Live long and prosper! 

ABBA - Happy New Year 

(Seems fitting seeing as the majority of my essay is about ABBA and Mamma Mia.) 

Wake me up when it's all over...

This is it. 
The beginning of the end. 

I'm starting the third year of my university life. And it's going well already. 

No, seriously. That wasn't meant to be saracastic at all! I'm really having an amazing time. 

And we've only just finished Fresher's Week. 

I've decided that I'm going to aim for a first for my degree. I know it's a high target but, at the end of the day, you have to aim high to get anywhere in life. I won't be disapoointed if I only get a 2:1 or a 2:2 but I want to try for the highest possible. 

There are quite high possibilities of me being unemployed for a while after I graduate University. And that's not a very nice thought. So, the higher the grade, the more likely I am to get a highly paid job or getting onto an amazing MA course, which is also a possiblility apparently. 

This year is just going to be me grabbing the Bull by it's horns and facing life head on. I've already found closure on my summer and my youth and I think I'm ready to grow up and go out into the real world and live and function like a normal adult. Which is something I never thought I'd be able to say about myself. 

And I haven't even started third year properly yet. Bloomin' heck. 

So wish me luck as I dive into the unknown and start to grow up. 

Peace out. 

Wake Me Up - Avicii 

“Imagination is the beginning of creation." - George Bernard Shaw.

I'm not the most creative of people. If you were to give me a piece of paper and a pencil and told me to draw, the most creative thing I could do is a cloud. Or a sheep. Which is essentially a cloud with four black sticks for legs. 

I'm not one of those people who goes around saying 'I hate people that are naturally good at drawing' or whatever, because I'm not really jealous of them. They're naturally talented and creative, they should be celebrated, and I've always been bad at drawing. It's not what I want to do, so why should I declare my hatred for them? 

However, the people I am jealous of are people who can wake up in the morning, sit at a piano and write a beautiful song. Or sit at a computer and write a beautiful story. That, to me, is one of the most amazing type of creativity. Words are the most important thing a human being can produce. Yes, a picture paints a thousand words, but without the words to inspire the picture, then what is the point? 

I have tried, many times, to write songs, poems, plays, stories, and none of them have ever been finished because the words don't feel right. And if the words aren't right, then the story that you're telling isn't good enough. 

'Imagination is the beginning of creation' is one of my favourite quotes to live by. If you can imagine something, then you have the potential to make it happen and you can create it in your own way. 

I might sound like a hypocrite, because I'm not imaginative or creative, but I love to try and create new things. They aren't always original, but trying and failing is the best way to discover something new. 

Anyway, the point of this is: If you ever get the chance to give a character a voice, do it. Because words are wonderful things, and there are people in the world who don't have a voice. So, when you create the words, make them count. 

Farewell. 

Everybody Talks - Glee Cast

(A bit of a tenuous link, but there ya go.)

The final countdown...

I am one month away from leaving teenage-hood forever. 

OH MY GAWD. 

But seriously, what? I've got to start being mature, and do adult-type things like pay for my own phonebill and stuff... Since when did I have to grow up? 

Anyway, lets not worry about the future. Because I'm all about living in the now. 

I'm still 19. For now. I've got one more month of being immature and acting like a 5-year-old in public places, I might as well make the most of it. I've got things planned for my birthday, and running up to it, and I will release my inner child into the world for one last 'hurrah' before having to climb back into myself and start being grown up.

Last year, I tried to compile a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 19. 

That didn't happen. 

So  I turned it into a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 20. 

I forgot about it. 

And, before you say anything, I'm not going to try and make a list of things I want to do before I'm 21! Instead, I want to simply say this: 

My childhood hasn't been the greatest. It was difficult growing up, as it is for anyone, and it's awful to say that I had the worst childhood, because I certainly didn't. But that doesn't mean that I'm happy it's ending. Instead, it's a new page of a new chapter in the story of my life. Something new to look forward to. It may be scary, in fact, it's terrifying, but I'm  willing to grab the bull by the horns and attack life. I will take every opportunity I am given. Take risks. Be daring. And I want all of my friends and family to be there, standing by my side. Just like I would do for them. Wish me luck as I delve into the big, bad, scary, exciting world. Who knows where I'll end up. Whether I'll live in a mansion in the country or an apartment in the city, I will get somewhere in life if it kills me! See you on the other side. 

xxx

'Broadway, Here I Come' -Smash

Completing each other's... sandwiches?

As per usual, I learnt an important lesson from an American Sit-com. 

I have a problem with closure. 

(In other words, things have to be finished, or I get all Sheldon Cooper.) 

I hate when someone tries to say something, stops mid-sentence, and then completely changes the topic. Like, seriously, just finish your sentence. 

But sometimes, it's a lot more serious. 

If someone's started something, like a project, and they stop half way through, it bugs me. If I've put time and energy into something, and then half way along the line, we just stop, I get frustrated. And it's happened so many times to me. Why start something that you know, mid-way through, you're going to stop because it's going to fail or you can't fund it. If you know it might not work out the way you want, don't bother trying and let people down. It's not worth it. 

It's even more serious with unfinished business. For example, if I have a bit of trouble with someone, and we've parted ways before I've had chance to say what I've wanted to say, I literally get full of rage. Again, it happens a lot more than people expect. (I have a lot of enemies who walk away too easily, put simply.)

I am the sort of person who,  despite something going obviously wrong, I'll see it through until the end. Because, even if it does go horribly wrong, I've still had the chance to see it through, rather than giving up and wondering what could've been. 

The only exception to all this is when I say 'I'm going to get fit and exercise'. That's usually the only thing I don't see through fully. 

To finish off this blog (see what I did there?) I couldn't find an appropriate song, simply a video clip demonstrating the exact frustration I have with my issues regarding closure. 

From The Big Bang Theory. Naturally. American Sit-Coms have all the answers. 

A scene from The Big Bang Theory. 

And now the end is near...

So, I just arrived home from Uni at the end of my second year. And I found myself crying in my room before I left. (My mum was in the car so she didn't see me. Score.)

It's upsetting though, isn't it, when you find yourself in a situation where you have to... Grow up. I don't like it. I don't want to live in the big, scary world. It's scary enough being in the world protected living with my mum and having everything done for me when I come home on weekends. The fact that in a years time, I'm going to have to move out and grow up terrifies me. 

Hence why I cried in my room. 

I know I have a whole year left of University, you don't have to remind me, but it still feels like I should be a Fresher arriving on my first day. But I've already done two years. The time has just flown. And it's weird. I want to go back to that first day. When I met my housemates and we stayed up for hours getting to know each other. To the first few weeks when I met the people I now can't live without.

I'm not sure I'm ready or mature enough to grow up and live on my own and have to do stuff on my own. Fair enough I'm at Uni and have to live alone, but I have friends around me all the time, so there's always somewhere to go if I get lonely. The second I get home next year, I'm alone again. Everyone will get jobs and boom, you're on your own in the world

I'm going to make the most out of third year. Take all the opportunities given to me. And embrace life. Because as soon as I leave, I'll regret every decision I didn't make and every wrong choice.  You only get once chance to be at University properly, I'm going to do it right and I'm going to graduate and not be a failure. 

This is probably the most overplayed song at graduation parties, but I don't care right now. It's just perfect. 

Simple Minds - Don't You (Forget about me)